Yesterday

Yesterday I had my "talk" day with Tomas. He sent me a drunk text a while ago so we decided we needed to talk and get things out there. His drunk text said he missed me [followed by one saying he was drunk and to ignore it]

Well we went to a tea shop and got tea and talked about nothing important for forever. Then we started talking about Valentine's Day and he asked what we did last year while we were dating. Valentine's was an awful day last year. I made him chocolates and he didn't do anything for me and didn't even appreciate my chocolates. Horrible boyfriend. Any way I started getting all emotional because he was horrified at how awful her had been, and I was realizing it and him understanding it and it was all just so much.

We left the tea shop and started walking back to my dorm. And I said to him, "It is so hard because I cared so much, and still do care so much, for you. And you are fun to be with but you were a horrible boyfriend." All of which is true. And then we just hugged in the street while I cried.

Then we talked about trying to get over each other [hooking up with other people i.e. plunger mouth and Lewis, etc. And how he had sex with some other girl [trying not to be jealous but really want to find out who this girl is and facebook stalk her] and hooking up with her for 1.5 months and all this shit.] I think since I am jealous it means something.

Hard night. We aren't talking until after Spring Break [March 5] and then we may or may not go on a date. Just one. Not dating, not exclusive. A date. Just to see.

But that doesn't mean I am no longer interested in Jake. I don't know how I feel. I like Tomas but if I dated him it would be cutting off all these other options [not like my love life has been all that fantastic this year though] and that he is the boy from high school and I don't know if I want that. And then Jake. Ah Jake. I don't know. I am so confused about everything right now. It all just keeps buzzing around in my head and I can't figure most of it out.

Two weeks. A lot can happen in two weeks.

And then shit went down like...

Happy Valentine's Day, or as one of my friends put it "Singles Awareness Day" or SAD for short.

My day:

Woke up at 6:30 and slid Jake's card under his door. Went back to bed. Woke up again at 9:00 and went to breakfast with Alina. All day went by and nothing from Jake. I gave friends Valentine's Cards and went to dinner with Rizzo, Sophie and Sophie's lovely and adorable girlfriend, Olivia. [I swear they wanted Rizzo and I there. We weren't intruding.]

Rizzo is single too but she seems to be one of the only single people I know who is content with that. She is, unlike me, not afraid she will become an old cat lady who has stacks of things she has hoarded over the years.

So ya, nothing from Jake. Rizzo decided to call her friend Joe [who is the person I met Jake through] and ask him if Jake had said anything. Oh this gets so embarrassing for me. Joe says no Jake hasn't said anything except that he got a bunch of stuff from his mom [cute] and then he also says he thinks Jake might have a thing with this girl they both know. What?! So now I feel silly. But I am glad I tried.

I called my dad and was talking to him about it. He says you never get anywhere by not trying. Also he things Jake must be flattered [I guess I get that. I would be if the it was flipped] and that I should continue to act normal around him. It's not like I declared my love.

The card said:

"Happy Valentine's Day. I think you are nice and cute and I would like to get to know you better."

Simple. So I guess that was my Valentine's Day. Average. At least I didn't spend 6 hours making chocolates for someone who didn't appreciate them [last year for Tomas. Crappy day and I had a boyfriend then]

Oh also, going to talk with Tomas tomorrow. I miss him and he misses me so we just need to get things out there. I do not want to date him though. To be clear. 

Master Plan

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day.

This means I have to have a master plan. I am going to slide Jake's Valentine's Card under his door and leave the flower outside it, but the tricky part is doing it while he isn't going to open the door. Which includes knowing his schedule. Which I don't, of course, because I am not stalking him [right?]. Right.

I think I will just go early in the morning [and hope he isn't really motivated and goes for a run or something] and slide it under his door. I'm nervous too. I feel weird about it all of a sudden.

Other things:
-I just developed the photos of Sophie I took on Saturday for my film class. They look amazing and real and I am really satisfied with the outcome. I was pretty nervous.
-Saw 9 red heads today. Alina has started me on this trend of counting them. I'm not sure if they count if I know them though.
-I don't care about Witney Houston.
-Some friends and I have started a tumblr about bathrooms. It excites me. Check it out: thepeestooges.tumblr.com
-Annie is making a peanut in Ceramics and it is awesome
-I started dancing again today [choreographing a piece for Annie and I to do together] and now I have blood blisters on the pads of my feet.
-Boys are so confusing. Gah.

John Cucsack

I think it is time for me to take the trip of my life: watch every John Cusack movie ever made. Too much?

All time favorite movie he is in [and one of my all time favorite movies ever]: Say Anything
If a guy ever held a boom box above his head and stood below my window with "In Your Eyes" playing I would probably...I don't even know.

Also, I love the book High Fidelity, so of course I also like the movie. John Cusack is a good Rob.

When he got old he lost most of his appeal but he still has remnants of what he was when he was young.

Why the fascination, you ask? I HAVE NO IDEA.

Glad That Happened

So I called this boy and told him I can't go on the date with him [I know calling is not cool. Get over it] and he was really cool about. so understanding and stuff. And he said he could tell I was hesitant. Maybe it was the face I made when he asked me. [It was an ugly "are you kidding me...gah" face].

Anyway. Glad that happened.

So excited for Valentines day. Can't wait to give Jake his Valentine's card.

I walked by his room yesterday on my way to a friends room and there was a major party or something happening in there. I just want to get to know him so bad!

Tuesday shit goes down.

Also I've been having this weird pain in my back. Upper right side. I can't stretch it out and it hurts a lot when I sit up really straight. My body is so confusing. I need one of those "Your body is changing" books they give prepubescent girls. 

Dates And Other Things

Today I got asked out on a date by a boy I don't like. And I said yes. What is wrong with me?

Options:
-Go on date [but I'm not interested at all and we are partners in Practical Botany [not where I know him from] and we live in the same dorm. And just awkwardness will ensue if I go and then say I'm not interested.
-Tell him I don't want to go. [I feel bad and awkward about this option too. But less awkward. More bad.]

Also I just hate dates unless they are fun. And I'm not interested in him so how fun can it be?

I have good reason not to be interested:
-He only talks about himself and doesn't listen [one of my biggest pet pives]
-He doesn't say anything interesting.
-I am not the person I like to be when I am around him.

Other things:
-Have been talking with Tomas lately and we have decided to meet up because we miss each other [although I can't be with him for a number of reasons including: 1) He is selfish 2) He is from Highschool and I want to experience other people 3) He does a lot of drugs and drinks a lot.]
-I have decided that I am giving Jake [mysterious boy who I am incredible intrigued by and who is really outdoorsy and cute and nice and shy and mmmmm] a Valentine card and a flower [that I grew myself] next Tuesday.
-Not a good time to go on a date with a boy I have no interest in. NONE. Not even a little. Not even a tiny intrigue. Just nothing. Blank.

Español Babay

I DROPPED SPANISH.

I am now free from everything except my own pride and disapproval.

But as Jennifer Myers, my advisor says, "You are not admitting defeat, you are admitting reality. This class is simply not working for you. And if anyone asks that is what you say. You don't have to explain yourself."